woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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