Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
