Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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