what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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