put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
