Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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