he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
