I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
