Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
