I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
