did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My ass is underappreciated
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
