what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Enjoy the penises
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
