Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
