It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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