We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
