i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
