onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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