Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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