No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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