If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
