This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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