do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
