If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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