a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
