end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just invented taco cereal.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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