I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Lo siento on account of my penis...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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