Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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