remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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