i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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