Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
