I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Boobs are out for the taking
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
