I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
