While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
