ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
