The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Never joke about your clitoris.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
