And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
