OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
