Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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