I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I party with great urgency now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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