Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
