if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My liver just had a heart attack.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My vagina is officially offended.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
