watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
