Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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