What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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