I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
