Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
