A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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