Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
