you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
