you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
